rain, decisions and competition

And after some time, I’ve realized that I actually enjoy the rain. I no longer see it as something sad or melancholic. I try to appreciate the beauty each drop carries: the soaked ground, the empty streets, the full puddles, the grass greener than ever. The smell of rain, staying at home more focused than ever on what’s in front of you. Altogether, it has an unmatched beauty, one that can be contemplated by the most open eyes, the most alert minds, and the most present senses.

It brings back memories of when I lived in Cuba. In the part of Cuba where I grew up, it rained almost all the time. It was a microclimate. I remember that many plans with friends were often canceled because it always rained in the afternoons. And in some way, that used to annoy me.

Yet it was the very same situation that made me happy when it would rain in the morning, making it nearly impossible to go to school. I would sleep soundly, but not so deeply as to not feel the rain hitting the ground, the rooftops, everything. In that moment, I would almost smile, holding onto the hope that “today I’d stay home.” But often that wasn’t the case. Often, against my will, I’d have to grab an umbrella and battle against nature. And to fight for something I didn’t even want, but which, at that moment, was my duty.

In the end, once I was at school, surrounded by friends and crushes, I would realize it wasn’t so bad after all. In fact, in those moments, I preferred being there, with people my age, doing things my age. Not necessarily for the classes—if given the option to go or not, 90% of the time I would have chosen not to (and I was a good student, especially in math). But I’ve always been reluctant to study things I don’t like (especially history).

What drove me to study wasn’t the enjoyment itself, but the competition. I’ve always been very competitive. I’ve always wanted to be the best (in sports, in class, even the best-looking). And when I wasn’t, at least striving to be allowed me to stay at the top.

I don’t think competition is a bad thing. In fact, I believe it’s more harmful never to compete. Competition fills us with energy, with the desire to win. It makes us enjoy the moment, entering a zone where we almost lose track of time. Minutes fly by, and in some way, we want to stay there. We are the center of attention, both within and around us. All eyes are on us. It makes us feel important, and for a few minutes, we don’t even question if there’s more to it. It’s just that. We are there, fully present, representing ourselves. We’re not daydreaming or thinking about what we’ll do tomorrow.

And I think that part of me, I’ve somewhat set aside. Soccer with friends, races, seeing who can do more push-ups, fighting to be the best in class, seeing who ends up with the prettiest girl.

I know that part still exists within me. A part that fills me and makes me feel alive.

A part that’s within reach at any moment.

An experience I’ve lived many times, and because of it, I can confirm it truly benefits me.

But now, you’re no longer in school, and you don’t depend on your parents to decide if you’ll go or not. Rainy days no longer determine whether you’ll make it to work or not. You choose. And obviously, due to the comfort we are wired to seek, you’ll choose the easy way. And so, it loses some of its meaning. If on every rainy day, you always stay home, you won’t long for that anymore when you can’t. Because you always can. You’ll strip it of value. And by taking value away from the simplest, purest things, you overload yourself. Because in a paradoxical way, we need to set limits to enjoy freedom. Because there’s too much freedom out there. So much that without setting rules, we’d become overwhelmed. Because this is a game that, without rules, would have no meaning. We have to establish guidelines, rules, and follow them. Only then can we enjoy life more.

Let’s be more competitive, to feel alive, to improve and uplift our surroundings.

Let’s compete fairly, justly.

Let’s push ourselves to do hard things, because if we don’t, we’ll get used to chasing fleeting pleasure, comfort, and this will make life much more complicated.

Let’s choose paths with long routes because short ones always make us get lost, and then we think the solution is in finding the right shortcut. NO. All easy roads are hard. In none will we find ourselves. In none will we find happiness. Because happiness lies in the process, in solving new and better problems, in savoring small sacrifices, in being consistent, disciplined. Because happiness is more about processes and less about goals, but even so, we need to set goals to have a process. And to have a process is to have a better life. To be confident, even if our mind tells us otherwise, that out of the endless paths that exist, the one we chose is the right one. And to trust our instincts, to use them more, and to move further from the toxic things that dull them.

And, at the same time, have the humility needed to make the necessary changes along our path.

It’s challenging, but it’s a balance we must aspire to. Maybe it’s a lot to ask of ourselves, but it’s not impossible.